Sitting With Silence Can Be So Hard Sometimes.

But silence is completely healing.

I’m going to be the first one to tell you that meditation is just so powerful. But I can’t deny that sometimes it’s the hardest thing to just sit with silence.

The thoughts just can’t quit sometimes, does that resonate? It’s easy for me to guide others to just gently pushing them away when I’m leading a meditation. Allowing the thoughts to roll in but as if you blow with a gentle breeze exhaling them away into the wind.

Saying thank you, just not now.

But sometimes it’s hard to guide ourselves even with years of practice.

I want you to imagine silence as a noun, and really embrace it. An invisible energy there to give you so much space. Silence will clear the air, subside the noise of the world and give you the opportunity to rest.

I would love to think that after all my intentional time in meditation that it would always come so easy to me but the honest truth is that it doesn’t. With so much chaos going on externally and thoughts internally meditation can often be an uphill trek in a snowstorm. With the snow flying in sideways representing all the noise.

This my friends, is why we must make it a must for us to carve out time to sit with silence. Silence is our therapist, our friend, our family, our comfort. Silence is a blank canvas for us to begin to hear our inner guidance that may have been muted by the busy lives we lead.

How uncomfortable can silence be for the ones who fill their days with calls, texts, social media, friends, work, anything to avoid sitting with silence which would be sitting with themselves.

Why is it so hard for some of us to ever sit with ourselves in silence?

My best guess based on observation and personal experience is to avoid feeling too much. If someone can keep their schedule jam packed and only worry about this, that and the other then they can successfully avoid their inner thoughts by way of distraction.

Another observation is that there is just so much intensity in the world during this pandemic that it’s often impossible to escape our concerns. How does one not worry about income when they aren’t working? How does one quiet the mind when their family member is battling covid? How does one find time for meditation when their kids are home doing remote learning? How does one sit with silence when emotional thoughts want to invade the space you’re trying so hard to carve out?

Controlling thoughts rolling in for a person who struggles with anxiety can feel like mission impossible.

Solution? Insert more silence.

Practice sitting with it more.

It’s like learning how to do anything; walk, run, paint, write. Only the act of moving into it will bring you experience with it. When you were a baby no one screamed at you and told you how dumb you were when you were learning how to walk. So why would you even think these type of things about yourself if you're struggling to simply meditate.

Whisper to yourself; you’re doing a great job.

Create loving energy and kindness around yourself in all you do. If there’s one lesson I’ve embodied over the past ten months it is to be a lot easier on myself and learning to rest, not quit. I can’t say I’ve aced this, but I certainly have practiced it over and over.

I’ve had a lot of silence to try and dodge this year, how about you? When I lost my job in March of 2020 I went from the busiest mom running super long days with two young kids in all the activities to a screeching halt.

When I woke up on March 17, 2020 as the pandemic was really here I just knew something wasn’t right. Nothing felt secure in the climate of the pandemic. I recall sitting on my kitchen floor that morning at 5am with anxiety over not wanting to send my children to daycare and risk our lives. It was the hardest thing in the world choosing between pleasing my employer who didn’t believe in remote work so I didn’t lose my job or putting my children at risk of catching a deadly virus. It was a very emotional meditation that morning, but I sat so deeply with silence I vidividly remeber.

I did what every “good working parent” does and chose to please my employer and push aside my fear for my children so I could bring home a paycheck. You’ve been there too right?

I will never forget the guilt that day after leaving the daycare parking lot heading to the office. It was 7:15 am and when I arrived in the office exactly what I feared was happening in fact was. I lost my job. I was so overcome with so many emotions that my body went right into a stress induced asthma attack and I couldn’t find my inhaler. I couldn’t find my breath or my step in those moments.To this day I’m grateful I didn’t drop dead in those moments because no one was even remotely concerned with getting me medical aid so I could breathe. I was pushed right out into the pandemic after traveling for that job just a few days before, risking my life for my family.

So here I was now, no schedule, just silence.

It was hard dose of change and security and I’m sure many of you can relate.

I went through the hard and at times I’m still mucking through some hard. Healing is messy, chaotic and beautiful at the same time.

Trust your instincts and honor your life, that’s my best advice. Make sure you are happy and surrounded by genuinly good people with authentic intentions. Wether it’s at work, at home or inbetweeen. And when something doesn’t feel right, trust it.

I didn’t even know where to begin with all that silence in March of 2020. On top of the tears, fear, anger and total disgust for what had just occurred there was silence, a whole lot of it and quite frankly it was uncomfortable.

Let me tell you something about silence. You cannot avoid all the feelings that roll in with it. You can try and avoid it all you want but eventually you will be sitting with the silence and unable to dodge the feelings that may come up.

I wanted to share this so that you know you aren’t alone in not knowing what to do with all the silence. I’m sure many experiences in your life could be coming to mind right now that also led you right into silence. Start small and allow your time with it to grow. Allow grace with yourself and understand that it’s a process that only you can go and grow through.

Allow the silence to begin to heal you even if it becomes emotional. Whatever wants to roll in and distract you, honor that maybe it is coming in fact to heal you. If tears arise, simply let them fall and evaporate into thin air.

Silence is truly your friend and here for your comfort and strength. On the days where it is harder, have grace. Take a bath, a walk, watch a funny show and simply try again.

Hello silence. I see you, I feel you and I want to sit with you. Allow silence to become your friend as it allows such a loving space once it becomes more familiar. Carve out space for yourself no matter what is on your plate, even more so if you have too much on your plate.

Allow silence to wrap you in love for your one precious life. Allow silence to heal you. Allow silence the space so that your inner guidance can speak loud and clear to you again.

Welcome silence in, as your new best friend.

Eat in silence. Walk in silence. Drive in silence. Enjoy your home in silence.

This idea isn’t just about meditating at all. It’s about embracing silence as an energy you dance with throughout your days and nights. It’s about developing a deeper, authentic connection to yourself.

My wish is that you feel peace, avoid nothing and honor your authnetic self in this one fleeting life here on earth. Love yourself more and enjoy yourself more. Big hugs my friend and cheers to some delectable silence.